These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~ Sam Snead
I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool. ~ George Brett
Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 strokes to do that. ~ Jim Murray
The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. ~ Mickey Mantle
Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them ~ Kevin Costner
I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.. ~ Brian Weis
Swing hard in case you hit it. ~ Dan Marino
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. ~ Lord Robertson
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs & the air. ~ Jack Benny
There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.. ~ Ben Hogan
Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best. ~ Jack Nicklaus
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law. ~ H G Wells
I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course. ~ Billy Graham
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.. ~ Bob Hope
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. ~ Henny Youngman
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~ Jack Lemmon
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands have to work. ~ Lee Trevino
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced. ~ Lee Trevino
